"I know who's got the 'Best Original Poop' Oscar sewn up!"

"There's a special art to baby swinging..."

"Take the photo already before it snows again!"

"Maddie, if I race ya...I'll bet I get further!"

"Who needs toys when we got daddy!!!"

"What's a girl have to do to get a little privacy around here?"

"Mommy had White Castles too Ben...get ready for gas!"

"Big's real name is JOHN?"

"Why is everyone growing older except mommy?"

"Elmo, what's the deal with Bert and Ernie?"

"Dora, you look just as one-dimensional in person..."

"Maddie, didn't we see a lot of these parents at the Stones concert?"

"Most people think hats are so 20th Century, but I don't think so."

"...and then Blue was sentenced to 6 years in the slammer...just kidding Ben!"

"Hey look! Mom's tie-dying the cat!!!!"

"These cheeks are as soft as your others, if you know what I mean..."

"This is the best Valentine's Day and I'm not LION...heh heh!"

"Ben, Valentine's Day is a pain, but you do get chocolate....at least I do!"

"I think Dad had one of them makeovers!"

"This Ultrasaucer is fun, I just hope it isn't too babyish"

"Is France anywhere near Boca?"

"At least it's Atkins friendly!"

"I talked to Ben and he said I can have his cake"

"Sleeping in a crib is cool!"

---

"Maddie is trying to sing a Marilyn Monroe-style 'Happy Birthday' to Aunt Joyce"

"Just pretend to go to sleep Ben, then we're outta here..."

"Ben, the first rule of playgroup is that everything they have is COOLER than what we got."

"Can I get more for him on ebay if I sell him by the pound?"

"You lil' adorable guy, you!"

"How's Janet Jackson going to feed 80,000 people with THAT?"