"I can't relate to any movie with Sandra Bernhardt and Big Bird..."

"Oh goodie, Mom and Dad are kissing again...try not to act too grossed out"

"We could fertilize the lawn if you like..."

"Do you mind? We're gossiping!"

"You are always my first round draft pick!"

"I'm the Chief around here!"

"I guess that makes me the deputy?"

"I don't care about stereotypes...but why can't the Cubs win the playoffs?"

"I have five fingers...what the heck are those?"

"This guy just isn't as warm and fuzzy as the guy we met on April 21st..."

"Don't worry Linda, this is more fun than Chucky Cheeses...we'll be back!"

"Tom, you are so lucky to have a woman who knows what to shop for!"

"WE"RE ALL HOPPED UP ON SUGAR!!!!!!!!!"

"Grandma Judi's here, I guess that means Chinese food!"

"I thought you had to be twins to ride in one of these..."

"Trump's an idiot, he should have hired Kwame!"

"First one to touch the ground goes to kindergarten..."

"Don't say I never gave you anything..."

"I think that Dr. Seuss was on something..."

"I haven't decided if I'm a lefty or a righty...though I am a democrat..."

"Mom, we got the chopsticks...now LET'S NURSE!"

"I'll give you this pickle if you'll date my little brother..."

"Tom, Maddie loves Nina...why don't you take her home with you?"

"This is so much better than The West Wing..."

"I got me the stinky diaper blues...yeah!"

"I think I'll get Ben a passport and send him on a little trip"

Meanwhile....
"I already have a timeshare in the Catskills..."

"This is how mom gets all her chores done?"

"Of course you know, this means WAR!"

"Mommy! Ben just threw me off the swing!"

"Are you crazy? I'm NOT taking my pacifier out!

"Wait till Garfunkle sees the 'Feline's Gone Wild' DVD we got him!"